My story

Love and what I learn about it

There is one undeniable truth that PEOPLE CHANGE.  Sometimes we even wish that it is not true.  Of course, it depends whether it is positive or negative changes nevertheless, it happens.  For someone that is in love they would wish that their loved ones would never change, and for some people who are in a long-term relationship, they secretly wish that their significant other DO change.

When I was single, there were times when I was skeptical about marriage.  People change all the time, even our body is constantly changing so how come we expect that marriage could last?  It seemed to me that people get married and they hope for the best.  That both parties will change only in a certain limited and positive way that somehow still manage to revolve around each other.  I thought that is one BIG wish.

Love itself, changes.  I have been experiencing many different kinds of love myself, I thought it was foolish to wish for love to stay the same.

 

When I first loved, it was so exciting.  Everything was a new thing, every feeling was heightened, every emotion was an adventure.  The beat of his heart was a song, every part of him that I discovered was a treasure.  I thought I will never love anyone else ever again especially when it ended.  First love taught me, the bittersweet of relationship.

And then came the second love, it feels different but it was love all along.  Everything was slower but somehow deeper.  We were more mature than when we were before yet we still have the gangly youth, therefore, mistakes were inevitable but understandable.  When it ended, I was wiser not to think that I would not love again.

On the third love.  I wasn’t convinced that it was love for quite some time.  Everything felt too predictable because I have learned a lot from my first and second love.  It was like a game that people play, where every move had been thoroughly analyzed.  There were just no spontaneous moves that we used to do when we were young.  Until the day we made the wrong move.

I remember the day I realized that it was indeed Love, was the day that we almost said goodbye.  Everything felt so real, that I thought it couldn’t be love.  In the first and second love, It felt like I was dreaming.  So when it ended I just need to wake up and learned to accept my reality.

However, with the third love, it always felt so real.  There were no prolonged happiness nor sadness and there were no exaggerated feelings or emotions.  I remember thinking, the man in front of me was not the man I was always dreaming of yet it has always been him.  The pain thinking that I will lose him, was nothing like I ever felt before.

Long after I learned that my “love” towards this person change.  It doesn’t feel the same way when I first discovered it, yet it has a depth that continuously growing. So, the third love thought me that love evolves.

There were times when I was thinking that I could be somewhere else, or something else, or whatever it is that is not me at that time.  And when I ask “why?” it was because I choose this man.  I choose him for any other possibilities out there, and I’d do it in a heartbeat.  So, I learned that even if love evolves and people change as long as I CHOOSE him every single day of my life I would not be astray from him.

That’s when my opinion about marriage started to change, I still think it is unnatural to tie two people in a constitution that “must” last forever.  However, I can understand how there are people who actually succeeded in keeping their marriage.

In terms of marriage or any other type of relationship, it takes the same commitment from both parties.  A commitment to always choose one another in any circumstances or any situation that the couple will face in their life.  That is why my favorite wedding vow would be that “I promise to choose you in sickness and health, in happiness and sorrow, …. until death do us part” because it is something that is actually realistic.

We can’t ask someone to promise that they will love us until death does us part.

Because I know, it could happen that today I love someone and next year I am in love with a totally different person.  It could even happen that I love two or three persons at the same time.  But when I promised that I will choose him, it already put a limit on many things that can happen.  Even if someday Benedict Cumberbatch saw me and wooed me, (God give me the strength) I have promised that I will choose my husband.  Hence no affair ever happened with Benedict Cumberbatch (such a wasted opportunity 😊).

I have only been married for a couple of months and maybe some of you would laugh reading this article and think “this poor kid definitely knows nothing about marriage”.  Which is Ok, sometimes I also laugh at my own foolishness.  I know that marriage requires a lot of “forgives and forget, there were a lot of water under the bridge, battles to lose.  But if there is just the slightest chance that when I am 70 years old I can be hand in hand with someone whom I built my life with.  Who accompany me through all of the ups and downs, that is something I wouldn’t miss just because I am being skeptical.

I know that I don’t know about anything so I shouldn’t act like I know everything.

Let me know in the comment about your opinion regarding love, marriage, and commitment.  Do you have a favorite wedding vow?

Thank you for reading and stay positive!

12 thoughts on “Love and what I learn about it

  1. The only thing I know about love, is, that we can’t hurry love. Much people from age 15-30 chased their lover but ended up over and over again. I overheard their bitter broken hearted conversation almost on every places I walked.

    Then, I realize. Their love was conditional.

    1. That is right, however we are still in a proses to learn about love..and unconditional love is something that is hard to do, even though it should be the purpose of love itself..to love unconditionally
      Thank you for the comment, I really appreciate it 🙂

  2. I have been married more than once. My first marriage lasted 18 years, and I was okay with that. I am now 58 and have been married for 5 years to a wonderful, stubborn, kind, amazing man. We believe it’s all about “commitment”. Which is basically what you are saying.

    There are many days we don’t love each other, or even like each other. But we are committed to each other. And we know those days will pass.

    Love is a fickle thing…commitment is something to hold on to.

    1. Oh thank you for sharing your experience..I totally agree, that when love is just not enough it is commitment that keeps us going..
      I wish you a Long and happy life with your loved ones…thanks for stopping by 🙂

  3. So many people mis understood or misjudged the real meaning of LOVE. If both of you are willing to sacdifice, to give all that you have, and to commit to each other, then that’s the true meaning of love.
    I was once married to a man whom I give my all, I sacrificed and I commit, but it did not work because you need two to tango.
    How good you might be, it won’t work if you’re thenonly one trying to dance.
    Now, I am in a relationship to a man who sacrificed a lot for me, who dance with the rhythm of my mood swings, and ride in the roller coaster of my emotions. We may not have that “contract” but we have the LOVE that most peole tend to forget.

  4. What a lovely post. I really enjoyed it. Love at first sight is unexplainable most times but once you find the one that last the test of time, its for good times and bad times and forever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *