Purpose and Passion searching Conundrum

Talking about finding your “True Calling” or trying to answer some of the life’s biggest question like “What is your Purpose?” or “How to find your passion?” is a never-ending topic.  I feel like I am drowning reading all of the books, articles, or listening to a podcast about that subject, or worst, I found myself feeling lost and small.  We are constantly looking at other people who seemed to know what they want to do in their life, who seemed to have found the answered of everything.

We subscribed to hundreds of youtube channel or newsletter about people who talked about many different things that they are passionate about (and they are so good they can make you feel a lot of emotions), when we turn on the TV or we went to the Cinema and we saw lots and lots of Actors and Actresses that performing a groundbreaking performance at such a young age… I was like :

Even with the Italian hand gesture

How did they do it???

While here I am, on Wednesday afternoon sitting in my living room with a bowl of instant noodle for lunch (Not so bad as well right? having all the time in the world, to have lunch watching TV at a nice and comfortable home) feeling small and bad because I had no clue about my passion (you ungrateful witch! Hahaha).

This is not me complaining about my life because God knows how blessed I am and I am grateful for every blessing that is bestowed to me, to my family and to all of the people that I cared for.  No, this is about me asking myself “what is your passion Kinan?”.

I am actually ashamed to admit that at 31 yo I don’t even know what is my passion, or my talent, not to mention my purpose in life.  I feel like I have wasted a lot of time doing nothing, trap in a never-ending cycle of life (school, university, work, marriage, kids, grandchildren, and so on.  The system that the environment put upon everyone).  I never had the time or the source (until this year) to ponder on one of the life’s biggest question.  I read many books regarding this subject, I tried all the exercise that they suggest, yet, none of it brought me closer to finding my passion…  on the contrary, it makes me feel lost and sometimes even stupid.

For example, one of the exercise they suggest to find your passion is writing down the answer to some of these questions (and I will also write down my answer and maybe you can understand why I feel stupid) such as :

  • What it is that you like and enjoy to do? à playing games, watch movies, browsing, watch youtube videos, watch animal videos, read a fantasy book, playing with a dog (imaginary one, because I don’t have a dog), talking to myself.
  • What are you doing in your spare time? à playing games, watch movies, browsing, watch youtube videos, watch animal videos, read a fantasy book, playing with a dog (imaginary one, because I don’t have a dog), talking to myself.
  • If money is not a problem, what would you want to do in your life? à duh! I guess you know the answer.. all of the above!!

Can you see why I feel stupid and helpless? I don’t even know what activities that are “productive” that I enjoy doing…  none of the above is productive activities, maybe my passion is “enjoying life the way I want it to”

Sure, let’s get serious!

Serious Face

Maybe, I love watching movies a lot that I can try to be film critics, or a director, or an actress…  as lost as I am, I know myself just enough that I am not good at acting and I am too old to learn to be a director, not to mention “not that good looking”, and that world is just too far away to reach.  And if I knew myself better, I might be able to start learning to be movie director but I will quit in the middle just because I don’t love movies enough that I would go in that direction.

However, it was never a bad idea to read a lot of books, especially self-help books..  there might be some books that touch your heart and speak to your soul, and there will also be books that just not right for you the moment you read it, maybe you know it all already or maybe it will speak to your soul later in another time of your life…  so, despite the mixed feelings, the disappointment, and the feeling of drowning in information, reading a book is always a good idea.

Reading self-help books leads me to try a lot of new things that I never imagine I can do or will fall in love with.   For example, I tried watercolor painting and I instantly am in love with it…  Although I am never good at painting I feel proud of my progress, it is incredibly soothing and calming to just play around with colors and brush.  Letting your hand take control (for the first time) instead of your brain.  It is exciting because I learned a lot about watercolor painting techniques, and those knowledge leads me to learn also about different subjects such as sketching, Calligraphy, Brush Lettering and Card Making.  It is too far to call it as a passion, but I found myself enjoying the journey

The big break of finding my true passion was as usual, unpredictable…  I once read a Buddhist Proverb that says “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” and I guess I was ready.

One day, I stumbled upon a youtube video while I was learning about how to make a blog.  This guy said that “Passion is not found but it is developed”.  It can be anything, as long as you are committed to doing it.  Finally, something that makes ABSOLUTE sense!  It can be anything, even playing video games can be your passion.  When you learn about something that you like to do, you try to be better at it by putting your time and effort to reach the level that you desired.  You’ll get more and more invested in it until it became your passion.

With that, I can finally understand all those articles and books I read about this particular topic.  All the exercises mentioned above, it all makes sense!  Because it will be easier to invest your time and effort to build a passion for the things you know you like and enjoy.  It opens up infinite numbers of opportunities and it creates sparks in my heart to actually do something about it.  One of my favorite character in one of my Favorite TV series (Game of Thrones) says :

You can read a follow-up post of my passion searching journey and how I started a blog here.

So, let me hear about your passion, your calling, and most importantly how you figured it out… and for all of you who are like me, still wandering and exhaustingly swimming in a pool of possibilities don’t forget to share your stories as well, I would like to high five you all.

As always, thank you for stopping by and read this post…  I love you all

May The Stars Watch Upon you.






3 thoughts on “Purpose and Passion searching Conundrum

  1. “It can be anything, even playing video games can be your passion.”

    Ha! My mom shoulda proud of me since elementary. Somehow this article successfully break apart or the wavy and curvy path to discover my passion.

    I should develop it instead. It’s time to put my mind from searching for passion to an end.

    1. Hahaha, good if this article help you realise that passion..I am not sure your mom is going to be very happy about it, but hey if it’s your passion and you make something positive out of it why not?
      There are many famous gamers out there making a lot of money..or you can build games on your own..
      Good luck for you and your mom 🙂

  2. OMG this post looks so much like my 1st blog post. I talked about the same vicious circle of life that we follow and end up turning up like robots. I think you are on the right path and you are meant to do good things. People spend their whole lives not even thinking about these things. Hope you build your passion soon!

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